Two weeks into his latest stay behind bars, ‘War Machine’ is still getting accustomed to the changes in the way they do things in Las Vegas compared to San Diego.
I particularly like the fact that he sounds somewhat disapponted to have discovered that it’s not possible to throw “sh!t bombs” into people’s cells in this facility.
Clearly this is poor planning on the part of whoever built the place to deprive people of the ability to fling their faeces at each other.
WAR MACHINE PRISON DIARY 2012 – WEEK 2
“The hole” is a lot more lonely here in Vegas, it’s just arranged differently. For one, the doors close like a dor at home, rather than sliding shut like in S.D. You might think, “what does that matter?” Well the way they shut here, there are no gaps anywhere, the door shuts snugly. When they slide shut you can stand there and peek on the sides and see part of the way down, see your neighbors face a lil’ in the crack of his door, and you can talk. You can’t “fish” here either, the doors don’t have any gap at the bottom. In S.D. you could fit your hand half-way under the door. Remember in Season 1 when we had the shit bomb wars? LOL. None of that here. No fishing for books, snacks, pruno, drugs, and no shit bombs. Also the vents here aren’t connected to your neighbors so you can’t talk that way either. No TV on out in the dayroom to look at, you’re ALONE. Another thing shitty here is lack of fruit! Not for eating necessarily, but for drinking. Remember in Season 1 when I used to make jail wine, “pruno,” out of fruit and sugar? Not fucking happening here.
This jail has much more control over shit. I remember at “pill call” each night, not 5 minutes would pass before people were “fishing” for pain killers, trading commissary for them. Not here. Shit, it’s my 2nd week here and I haven’t met a soul! Lonely, boring place. And I’m going a lil’ crazy and having withdrawals as they still haven’t given me my psych meds that I’ve been on for like 4 years now. WTF?! Bitch nurse said, “it’s gonna take a few weeks, this is jail. Plus Lexapro doesn’t have any side effects/withdrawal symptoms.” Umm… WTF?! Someone Google right now “weening off of Lexapro” or “Lexapro withdrawals” and then laugh at all the shit that comes up! She’s like, “But I’m sure you know much more than I do.” Fucking CUNT! I guess what I’m feeling and all the shit on Google is just an illusion. Why would someone choose to be a nurse/doc. when they obviously don’t care about people? Money, that’s why – it’s a high paying field. Another reason why capitalism sucks. Greed puts people in careers that they don’t belong in. Instead of each person doing what fulfills them emotionally and sharing the wealth, we have people in charge of our health that don’t care about and have no interest in healing.
Man… the day we left tribalism was the day us humans began this long spiral downward. Eventually, it will crash, return to the ‘right’ way, then corrupt, and crash again… Sick cycle it is, history will always repeat itself. Ever since them aliens came down and fucked with our DNA – ever since then we haven’t been at home with the Earth. We separate ourselves from it, we resist it, and we poison it.
Anyway, in this time to think, I have started to understand what happened to my wife and I. I married her for a reason, what happened that made me suddenly unhappy? In “real life” (as I like to refer to it when you’re not locked in a cage) you have too many distractions and you can’t really take time to sit back and really think on shit. Anyway, it wasn’t that I fell out of love with her, it wasn’t that I just HAD TO be able to try and fuck every hot girl I saw, I know now that it was a defense mechanism of sorts. To understand what the hell I’m talking about, you need to know more about our situation.
1st of all, when I went to jail for a year last time, she had only just got back in the country after being deported to Europe. I think she was back 2 months before I went in. During that year is when I 1st began to close my heart off, one, because I honestly didn’t know if she’d really wait for me and I wanted the eventual loss of her to be easier, two, it made it easier inside to not think of “real life,” and three, I kinda hoped she’d leave me for her own sake. I hated seeing her struggle and seeing her sad. I wished she’d fall in love with someone else, someone who could give her a better life. Anyway, once I got out, everything was great and BAM, 2 months later, we found out that her immigration papers were denied and that she couldn’t be here. To top it off, her passport was to expire in 6 months. Basically, we had huge decisions to make. If she stayed here it would be as an illegal, she could never drive, never travel abroad, and never go home to visit her family. It would also limit any kind of career she could have, basically life here for her would suck. You all know I want to leave this country and I’d gladly up and move with her but my probation wouldn’t allow it. One plan was to just stay here until it’s over and then we’d move, but I next discovered I’d be getting 5 more years probation for this Vegas case. Basically, we were fucked, and I think I subconsciously began to push her away. I wanted her to hate me, to leave me and be happy to go home. I couldn’t deal with the heartbreak that would have come from watching the woman I love be ripped from me by bullshit laws of this fucked up country. I couldn’t have looked at the pain in her eyes when she had to go, it makes me cry now to even imagine it. WTF is probation? I served my time – I hate my country, my country hates me. Why keep me here? Why can’t I forfeit my citizenship and fucking LEAVE?! Not only can I not defend myself and be a man here, but you want to send my wife away from me too? And forbid me to follow? I’ll tell you what, I have realized that me in bars is a recipe for disaster, and I know now that by avoiding them I can avoid jail and breaking the U.S.’s BS laws, but I am not a “criminal” or a bad person. I don’t steal, I don’t hurt kids, I fight guys twice my size in bars, BOO-FUCKING-HOO.
The media can corrupt reality and paint this God awful picture of me but it just ain’t so, facts are facts. I’ll tell you how to create a fucking monster though, keep on fucking with my LIFE, LIBERTY, and ABILITY TO PURSUE HAPPINESS. Interesting lil’ catch phrase there huh? Yeah, it came from way back when this country stood for something. I guarantee, if the Founding Fathers of this country came back today they’d be fucking disgusted! If you are a REAL “American” you should be disgusted too and you should HATE what this place has become just as much as I do.
I will get back up.”