So, it’s about time we had another installment from War Machine’s prison memoirs.

This week’s topics of conversation include War Machine’s stance on shaving man parts, hepatitis C and his latest attempt to convince the world that he’s a fine, upstanding citizen.


“3 months done! Doesn’t seem like I’ve been here that long. I hope the next months fly by in the same way! I finally got fed up with growing all this damn body hair and took advantage of the privacy of temporarily not having a celly, and I shaved. Man I feel better! I don’t know how other guys can stand that shit. They think it’s gross if a girl has a “bush” and yet they have pubes longer than their own dongs! LOL!

Anyway, still the same ole boring shit here… I think I’ve broken the world record for the amount of times someone has “spanked it” in one day many times over! LOL! I finally got on a steady workout regime. I was getting skinny & fat at the same time… UGH!

What else… man these guys here have all kinds of lil’ tricks! They’ve even developed ways so their friends can send them stuff in the mail. The jail checks all the mail we get too, but it still gets by! I don’t understand why anyone would want to be high on meth or heroine or whatever and be up for days on end in here with NOTHING to do, but plenty of them do it. It’d be easy to come to jail clean and leave a junkie. Glad I’m not one to fuck around with shit like that. It’s a huge business thogh. I hear stories of guys in prison literally getting RICH while serving life or long sentences from selling dope. Crazy.

And SO MANY of the guys here have Hepatitis C!! I don’t know how easy it is to catch but it makes me nervous being celled up with someone who has it!! That would end my fighting career! One more reason to avoid fighting in here though, last thing I want is that blood on me… ugh!

So a few of the cops that work here at the jail told me they were curious and “Googled” my name. They told me that they watched the surveillance footage of the fight that landed me here. Unanimously they agreed that it was bullshit! They told me they can’t believe I got charged and nobody else did. Furthermore, they said it was ridiculous that I received a felony as a result. I already knew this but it’s nice to have police officers share the opinion. At most, I should have gotten a misdemeanor battery, lame. Watch for yourself. YouTube search “War Machine Bar Brawl.”

Either way, I shouldn’t be out drinking and putting myself in situations where problems can occur, but I just hate the fact that I’m labeled as some arch criminal, bully, when it’s not the case. The bouncer I fought in Vegas was my co-worker and was 6’3″ 350 lbs. The fight I got into at the porn party was me vs. 7 guys and I was NEVER EVEN CHARGED because the cops/DA ruled it self-defense. Don’t believe the hype/media. As a professional, I’m always respectful in the cage and I put on entertaining fights. When I’m free again, I won’t put myself in shitty situations and these mishaps will be behind me.”