The golden moment in War Machine’s latest diary from behind bars comes when he describes how one of his business partners plans to raise the cash to fund the gym they plan to open when he eventually get’s released from the clink.

“Ryan volunteered to do mercenary work in the Red Sea guarding oil rigs against pirates with his sniper rifle!”

There’s a foolproof plan if ever I’ve heard one…

“So this week a guy in a different module punched a deputy. Most of the Deps here are cool but a couple really deserve a beating. Unfortunately the one who got hit was fucking 5 ft. tall, female, and nice as can be! Fucking lame! If you’re gonna do somethin’ stupid like that, make it count! Do it to one of the bully Deps on a power trip. Not a nice, tiny chick! Sucks, I hope it doesn’t ruin her attitude at work & I hope she’s okay.

Anyway, AGAIN I’m back to working out daily. This time I’m not gonna stop though! I’m sick of feeling UN-Spartanlike! LOL! Seriously, it’s crazy how fast I deteriorated! My 1st week here I could knock out 100 push-ups easy, 20+ pull-ups too. NOW… LMAO!! Fucking 50 push-ups is a struggle! And I can barely do 10 pull-ups!! Disgusting. I should kill myself! LOL! Fuck that shit, I’m gonna get back with it!

So anyway today I got good and bad news on our gym in Austin. Good news is that the only other big gym in the area just went out of business so we’re gonna have no competition! The bad news is that my two SEAL homies are having trouble securing the loan. We need more capital! If we can’t get it then Ryan volunteered to do mercenary work in the Red Sea guarding oil rigs against pirates with his sniper rifle! Sick huh!? He’ll get $1100 a day, tax free, for 30 days straight! 1 month on, 1 month off. So either way, the gym is still a go!

On another note, I got a big, nasty cold sore (herpe if you wanna be a dick) on my lip! Ugh! I hate ’em. My Dad & lil’ bro had ’em growing up but I was lucky not to. Then at The Citadel there was an outbreak on the campus from the barber shop & like 25 cadets got them! The 1st time was on my forehead but now once or twice a year they come to my lip! So gross! And everyone keeps asking, “What happened to your lip?” LOL! In the streets, medicine knocks them out quick but in here it takes like a week to see the doc so it’s not even worth putting in a request. By then it’ll be almost healed.

Oh yeah, I read about the UFC FINALLY adding the WEC’s lighter weight classes to the roster. SICK! Even sicker is now my boy WEC Champ Dominick Cruz will be the UFC Champ!! Awesome!”