The latest in War Machine’s prison diary entries dates back to Christmas time and as ever trouble is never far away as he spends time in ‘lockdown’ and almost gets into another fight.

WEEK 24:

Another exciting week gone! In the next couple of days I’ll be missing Christmas and I’m pretty sure my 10 year high school reunion too. Not that it matters too much since I already boned all the chicks that I wanted to in my class anyway… haha! Nah but really, I would have liked to see a few people and really, REALLY liked to slap a few too. Although I wouldn’t have because it doesn’t pay to be aggressive and dominant in today’s society. Me being in jail now is proof enough for that.

So, I’m currently “locked down” right now… My first “write-up” in the 6 months I’ve been here. It’s so boring here I guess I thought it’d be fun to rebel a lil’ bit and tell a guard to shut up… lol. Not sure if it was worth it yet but hey, I’m serving 365 and I don’t get to earn “good time” credits, so what incentive is there to be an angel all the time? AND the 2 times I alerted the guards when there was gonna be a riot, (so they could move problem guys and stop it from occuring), what did I get for it? Nada! NOt even a thank you. Not shit. But of course the one time I’m bad I get reemed. Whatever though.

So I’ve really come to like that old Polish man that I told you all about the cops beating up. He’s funny as shit and a book of knowledge. I think he has a lil’ Alzheimer’s cuz he does some silly shit sometimes but I make sure no one fucks with him. Oh shit! I forgot to tell you, I almost got in a fight with some nut job in here a few days back. That’s 2 weeks in a row! This lil’ white guy started spazzing out and banging his head against the telephone booth and punching himself. Then he singles ME out and yells at me to fight him in his cell. We get to his cell and he flops to the ground Indian style. I’m like WTF?!? We all laugh and walk away. Then he yells again and we turn back toward him and he’s in his tighty whities and says “I didn’t want you to use my pants against me!” I said “What if I use your undies against you?” Hoping that he’d get butt nake. He didn’t. Finally we got the guards to move his psycho ass out of our tank. Man, people who don’t know me refuse to believe that I don’t start trouble! Trouble finds me! It’s true! It’s something in my genes or something. My friend Ryan, the SEAL, has the same issue. He’s a super nice guy, never starts fights, but gets in one every fucking month! Man, WTF!? Being an “Alpha Male” Is a real phenomenon. People always seek out to challenge me. Seek me to follow and girls to fuck. Seriously, since I was in Kindergarten I’ve always been the leader, always got the girl and always was provoked to fight. And since I always win, I always get in trouble! B.S.! If I wasn’t tough, I’d be the world’s biggest victim and would get nothing but compassion. Just cuz I win fights, that others start, I’m a criminal? Fuck the laws in this country.

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