At long last War Machine’s year-long jail term on an assault charge is almost at an end, and as you’ll see below, he’s pretty happy about it.

The man formerly known as John Koppenhaver’s blogs have been a constant source of entertainment here at HQ over the past 50 weeks so we salute him and wish him well as he gets ready to start his life again with a clean slate.  Hopefully he can make good on his vow to never find himself behind bars again and instead we can look forward to reporting on him rekindling his MMA career in the future.


One more week and I’m outta here! It’s a trip, I can’t believe I’ve been in jail for a YEAR! It’s gonna be so nice to eat REAL food and train for REAL. I just hope that my probation officer isn’t too much of an asshole. I don’t plan to and know I won’t cause any problems for him/her, I’m just gonna do what needs to be done. I don’t think it should be a problem though. I don’t do any drugs, so piss testing is nothing for me, I’m not in a gang & I have a job/career so I should be considered a low maintenance/easy case to manage for them. Say some prayers/send some energy so that I get a decent probation officer.

Anyway, I learned a lot this year: who my REAL friends are, how great my wife really is, how much I really LOVE MMA, I learned that all cops aren’t the devil and in fact, are good guys just making a $, learned that the U.S.A.’s criminal justice system is 100 times more fucked up than I ever imagined, and I read more than 60 books and got insight into all kinds of different shit. Notice that I did NOT learn that what I did that night in the bar was “wrong.” I stand by my actions to this day and believe that EVERY human has the right to defend themselves or others, if they believe there is a threat to their safety. I’m not a “criminal,” I don’t rob and steal, and I don’t sell dope to kids… Humans have a “fight or flight” mechanism built into them and in a split second decision, where my best buddy got into a fight out of the blue, and I saw 2 guys running to jump in, my instincts had me attempt to defend him and there was no way for me to discern that one happened to be a bouncer and he got hit. So what I really “learned” about that night and about other times I’ve gotten into street fights, and how to avoid them and avoid trouble in the future is simply: DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN SITUATIONS/PLACES WHERE FIGHTS CAN HAPPEN. If a drug addict wants to stay clean, he needs to not be around people or places where drugs are, SIMPLE SOLUTION. My instinct to fight father than flee would have helped my survival in past ages, however in this age, it only puts me in jail. Like I’ve always said, “I don’t get in fights at the grocery store.” So I’m confident, in fact I KNOW, if I avoid bars/clubs/parties, I will NEVER be put in a situation again that will require the activation of my “fight or flight” instinct. That is the main lesson I have learned. If you have a problem, alcohol, drugs, gangs, violence, WHATEVER, and you TRULY want to STOP, you MUST eliminate EVERYTHING (friends, spouses, lifestyle) that brings your problem into being. I hope that some of you reading this that have a problem, and want to avoid America’s inhumane system of punishment, will learn from MY LOSS OF A YEAR OF LIFE and prevent yourself from the same or worse. This will be my LAST blog from jail, the next time you hear from me I’ll be a free man again.

I want to thank all of you fans that have helped make this year so much better with your constant e-mails of support, money, gift packs, and books. It means a lot to me and I feel blessed to have had so much support.