Home MMA & UFC NEWS War Machine Prison Diary: Weeks 31 - 32

War Machine Prison Diary: Weeks 31 – 32

Time for another two weeks of notes from War Machine’s prison diary as he serves a year’s stretch in prison for assault.

For now he’s still doing time in solitary confinement, aka ‘The Hole’, and despite being confined to his cell for 23 hours a day it appears that he’s still got some interesting stories to share.


Jail is way better when you got your fade on! =) And the Aryan Brotherhood guy gave me a slice of pizza! OMG! It tastes so good! I guess being an arch criminal has it’s advantages… sometimes he gets special goodies. Fuck it though, I get out in 4.5 months. I’ll stick to being a softy. Bad news, my wife’s kitty cat died the other day… he was kitty War Machine I guess, I never met him. Sse’s upset though; death is a motherfucker! Of course my 1st experience with it was my Dad dying in my arms, ugh. And the fucking morticians over-embalmed him so he looked like swollen shit at the viewing; cocksuckers! I can’t stand funerals! But I went to one memorial service for my 8th grade best friend a year ago and REGRET not speaking! I was shy or whatever, and now the moment is gone, and I should have spoke! His name was Matt Katz. If you go to a funeral of a friend… say something if you feel like it. I feel guilty now, fuck!

OMG! There’s an obnoxious fuck next door to me who yells and bangs on his bunk ALL day and night! COCKSUCKER! One of the guys here is getting “life” soon and says he’s gonna slice him up with a razor… lol. Which reminds me, the other day this skinhead was yelling at a lame and said, “I’m gonna cut you into lil’ pieces with a razor and then flush you down the toilet and it will be like you were never even here!” LMAO! That line cracks me up! Funny. What’s not funny is how HUNGRY I am! Fuck! I just sit in my cell and wait for chow. At the other jail we always got extras, never here! And my 1st 6 months in, all my friends & fans were hookin me up with $ on the books, e-mails, or gift packs, but in this 7th month. I’m assed out! Makes me feel bad for the guys who go to prison for YEARS! I’m sure after all that time most everyone forgets about you. Shit, MOST of my “friends” haven’t even e-mailed me, let alone drop me a buck. You really get to see who is there for you when you’re in jail. People I never would have expected to, step up, and others, who I’d swear I’d hear from, are ghosts. Bet they’ll be surprised when ol’ War Machine ain’t around anymore when they need me though… lol.

People are lame. I see some guys here (grown men) on the phone, straight screaming at their grandmothers for not sending them enough $ each week for snacks. While there I am, getting mad at my wife for sending me cards all the time because I know she needs every penny right now. Don’t want to sound racist or whatever, but the blacks are the absolute worst about this. I dunno when or how it was put into their mentalities but they’re all about bein’ a “pimp” and “breaking they bitches pockets.” LOL! Not just in jail either, they’re always bragging how their GF’s got good jobs, maybe 2, and how they give their checks to them and get themselves all nice shit and kick it all day and blah, blah. I’unno but I know I could never do that to a woman I cared about. Shit, I couldn’t even use a girl like that that I didn’t care for. At the same time though, women do it to men all the time… People. OMG!!

It smells so fucking bad right now! The loud, crazy, Persian guy from England just got “gassed.” That’s when someone shits and pisses in a ziplock coffee bag then slides it halfway under your door and jumps on it! LOL! His cell is prolly covered in shit! Fuck, I’m gagging just living next door! Yuck! That’s what he gets though. In the hole, no one comes out of the cell at the same time so no one can fight/stab. So they “gas” the fuck-ups instead, nasty business. It’s fun though cuz it kills the monotony a bit. Plus, I’ve been wanting to wring that dude’s neck for the past week anyhow. Revenge is sweet… or stinky?? =)


Crazy… this one skinhead dude from the U.K. just got hauled out on a stretcher… he turns 28 in a few days, he’s actually pretty cool. They had him on the floor for like 5 mins. before he got rolled out, and I never saw him move, and he was turning purple… Fuck, I dunno what’s up!? He had been drinking “Pruno” all day but that ain’t it, I overheard him buying something a couple cells down. I dunno if it was dope or someone’s meds or what, but that was just like 10 mins. before this happened so that has to be it.

So, it’s the next day now, and they emptied his cell. I’m actually trying to move into it cuz you get a perfect TV shot, but yeah they won’t tell us what’s up with him. He’s probably still in the hospital, gotta wait until a cool Dep. gets on to get some info! I’m fuckin’ super bored today, sick of this shit. I like the hole better but the shower here sucks, it doesn’t get real hot. And it’s always freezing in jail so it makes a super enjoyable shower. We only come out of our cell every other day for an hour but lately I haven’t been showering every time I’m out. I pretty much wait until I feel really gross, really gross… lol. Nasty, but whatever, I guess the only reason I’m super clean on the outs is because of human interaction (particularly female) and because showers/baths are so comfy. But, no interaction and no comfort, fuck it, I’m going like a Barbarian. I barely even shave anymore either. We don’t even have mirrors in the hole and I don’t get visits anymore now that I’m in the boonies. Funny that I keep my cell really clean though, guess I can tolerate my own nastiness but not nasty shit around me.

Speaking of cells! Fucking 20 minutes ago I asked the Dep. to move to the one I had mentioned earlier and just now, he let my neighbor move there! Just to spite me no doubt. And this neighbor’s cell is FILTHY and every day he stuffs his trash under his door and into the day room! WTF!? Most of the Deps here are cool but there are always a couple that hate on me… fuck ’em! And fuck! I have fuckin’ dandruff like a mofo! Never had this shit in my life! It’s cuz they give us sorry ass shampoo in here, fuckin’ cocksuckers. So I just found out from one of the Deps that the dude is alive, just at the hospital, guess he O.D.’d on somethin’, as I had thought. He’ll be back eventually. Slamming heroin! Just heard from one of the ese’s.

Oh shit! Right now this lil’ White dude just tried scrappin’ 2 cops! He socked one, then they sandwiched him, and 20 seconds later like 20 more came running into the module… lol. They dragged him off somewhere, have no idea where, since this is the hole. Other guys say they’re gonna go beat his ass and bring him back, we’ll see. He’s 20 years old and just signed for 12 years and his 2nd strike, this will make 3 and 25 to life! Crazy, his life is over just cuz of one punch. Dumb on his part, but even dumber that you can go to prison for life over a fucking punch, that caused zero damage! Oh and now he’ll finally get his green outfit so he can be identified as dangerous like me… LMAO!

So a couple days have passed and the guy is not being charged! Crazy. Something must have looked bad on the camera, I think a Dep. hit him once he was cuffed, so they aren’t doin’ shit! Lucky guy! But it’s how it should be. He does dumb shit, beat his ass, call it even, don’t charge him! What else? The Aryan Brotherhood shot caller guy left for prison. 7 more years in the hole! Crazy, he had just done 12!! Can’t imagine that shit! Oh, my wife finally got a job after getting her papers to work and everything. So happy! Her 1st American job… lol. That’s gonna help our stress levels a lot! Now she needs to try and get her Drivers License. Lame thing is you can take the written exam in like 16 different languages, but the study books only come in 8!! WTF!? And you know how they word those things, try and trick you and shit! It’s gonna be hard for her I think. She’s tough/smart though so I’m sure she’ll knock it out!

Latest News

jacare souza ufc

Jacare Souza Says Psychological Problems Almost Brought Career To An End

Ronaldo 'Jacare Souza has spoken out in a new interview about psychological problems that threatened to bring his career to a premature conclusion recently. "Man,...