When I first envisioned what War Machine’s prison blogs were going to be like I thought it’d be about him getting into fights, causing riots, maybe even developing some sort of drugs addiction along the way.

That’s not quite how things have worked out though.  Instead in his latest diary entries the highlight is when he describes how he’s soaking his toes in his own urine to make sure they don’t turn yellow.

Not quite what I expected to read, but it’s little gems like this that make it all worthwhile.

Week 14: I was just reading the newspaper and came across an article about lions in South Africa. It said that a place there raises lions in captivity and “hunters” from the U.S. pay $40,000 to go on the propery and kill the animals. Anyone who wastes 40 G’s to kill a defenseless lion, in a small fenced park, is a fucking scum bag. Cowards.. Prolly the same kind of guys that get drunk and start a fight and then call the cops when they lose, claiming they’ve been “assaulted.” Anyone who condones hunting large game like lions or elephants can stop being my fan/friend now cuz I hate people like you.  Anyway, I had to get that off my chest, ugh.

Let me tell you somethin’ funny & gross. So all these dudes in jail have those thick, nasty toe nails, the yellow ones. It’s fucking gross! But I guess when you spend most of your life in the pen you never really are clean, and that fungus goes rampid. Anyway, I’m terrified of getting that shit! Ever since I was 12 and got a case of athlete’s foot, my dad told me to pee on my feet in the shower and I’ve never gotten it since! Well in here, I’m taking it to the next level, and every other day or so I pee in a bowl in my cell, and soak my toes in it! Haha! Sounds nasty but I DGAF! I’ll kill myself if I had those nasty toe nails! UGH!

I had a new celly for a few days but he’s gone now, he was a cool guy, but I HATE having a celly! I love it when I’m alone like right now. It’s way easier to keep my cell clean and just so much better all around. Others love having a celly but I don’t understand it. I’ve always valued my time alone. I play Scrabble by myself too. I pretend I’m playing other people.. Mac Danzig beat my ass at a game last week but I creamed @bensaundersUFC! It’s funny, I’m playing vs. myself but sometimes the score is crazy lop-sided. I guess there’s a lot of luck involved with the letters you draw. Anyway, more next week. Thanks again for all the mail and gift packs – I really appreciate it! Can’t wait to get out and put on some great fights for you guys!

Week 15: So the past two weeks I’ve been unmotivated and lazy again. UGH! It’s so hard for me to stay active here. All I wanna do is sleep this whole year away. One good thing about being a lazy bum these past weeks is that all of the little nagging injuries I’ve had over the years, that never got a chance to heal cuz I’m always training, are going away. Once I’m free I’ll be a fully healed up machine! I’m sure once I’m back in the gym I’ll be tip-top in a few months time.

Anyway, some dude hung himself in here yesterday! I guess he hated jail more than me! LOL! Crazy. Man, the boredom is really starting to get to me and every time I get a new book I tear through it in 2 days! LOL! I’m not good at taking my time with reading. To me, it’s like watching a movie and then pausing it all the time when you stop! I just get hooked and never leave my cell ’til it’s done! I really wish I had my laptop in here! Man do I miss the internet! Can’t wait ’til I’m back to mny real life… =/

Week 16: 4 months! The days drag but the weeks/months fly by. Weird, but I’m glad. Definitely not/can’t be fast enough though. Thanks again for all the gifts/e-mails – they really make it a little easier for me. Anyway, there’s this new Mexican guy in here – we call him the Mexican Private Pyle (Full Metal Jacket). Anyway, he’s a fucking WEIRDO! He talks and laughs with himself, but the weirdest, we all caught him face down on his bed, making out with his pillow, and dry humping his bed! LMAO!! In all the boredom here I have learned to cherish the weirdos here, they really provide good entertainment!

Oh yeah! I am SO HAPPY that lameass Lesnar lost to Velasquez! SO HAPPY! I can’t wait to see it! Hopefully by the time I’m out, I’ll get to watch Brock get pounded on a few times! I also miss watching “House.” I hear on the new season him and Cuddy are together again – interesting. Fuck I’m bored here! And my body is turning to shit! I have no motivation to workout again… UGH! It’s weird though, everyone comes here and gets fat, but me, I get skinny. Fuck! I can’t wait to get back into the gym! You guys are prolly sick of hearing it but I have little else to do but sit here and think of the shit that is eating at me.

Anyway, my partners in the gym are using all their SEAL connections to get us contracts training the Special Forces & law enforcement in the Austin area as well as setting up seminars for us to train the SEALS in Virginia. All that shit means constant extra $$ I’m pumped to get the gym open! Man this jail shit is a big lame waste of time!

So just FYI, I don’t write these blogs in one sitting, so if it appears that I am jumping from one thing to another it’s because I keep adding to it throughout the week as I see fit! Anyway, this week I only had like $4 on my books on store day but you guys saved my ass! The day after “stores” I got 5 gift packs! Great timing! And again, I really appreciate the support!

Special thanks to Bill, Ozzy, and Donna who continuously look after me! All of you keep the mail coming too – I really like getting it! I try to write back to just about everyone.

On a different note, I’ve been shaving my legs since I was like 15 and it got too weird having all this leg hair! So yeah, I shaved that shit tonight when we got razors! I know the boys are gonna tease me tomorrow but oh well… LOL! Makes me feel a lil’ more human and normal so it’s worth the harassment! I’m out. Gonna play Scrabble against @danawhite and then jerk off ’til it bleeds! HAHA!

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