We’ve got a double installment of War Machine’s prison diary to share with you this week as the former TUF fighter continues to share his thoughts and experiences behind bars, and it turns out that he’s been spending some time in ‘the hole’ lately. Read on to find out the whole story.
Just read this: a man and his son maintain a small farm with just a single horse to pull the plow. One day, the horse escapes off into the countryside, leaving them no way to work the land. Neighbors say, “How terrible! What bad luck!” Father says, “Who knows if it is bad luck or good luck?” A week later the horse returns with 5 wild mares. Neighbors: “What wonderful luck!” Father: “Good luck? Bad luck? Who knows?” The next day, the farmer’s son fell and broke his leg while trying to tame the horses. “How horrible! What bad luck!” “Bad luck? Good luck?” The army came to draft all able bodied young men for war, but the farmer’s son was of no use to them. “Bad? Good?” Neat. This story really resonated with me as I sit in jail instead of fighting main event, on @MTV_2 in @BellatorMMA’s tournament. I can curse the judge, the government, and the gods all I want, but maybe if I were free this year, something horrible would have happened. Who knows?
Reminds me of that great Garth Brooks song, “Unanswered Prayers.” The more time I spend reading, thinking and experiencing life, the more I believe that everything happens for a reason. Plus, I am growing disgusted with myself at all of the whining and complaining I have been doing. I hate complainers and always tell those close to me, “Don’t waste time or energy worrying about shit that you have zero control over.” Easier said than done, yes, but truer words have never been spoken. That is actually how I was finally able to conquer my pre-fight nerves too. I used to be terrified before a bout, used to think myself to death! “What if this happens, what if that? Fuck, I just want to win!” Shit, winning is the last thing that you have any control of. A fight is very unpredictable, sometimes big hard punches do no damage and a lil’ glancing blow KO’s or cuts a guy; judges make horrible decisions, and fluke injuries do happen. How can you expect to be clear-headed and able to fight at your best when you’re thinking of all that b.s.? You can’t and won’t. All you can do is train as hard as possible, and fight 100% to the death, no regrets. Destiny has already picked the winner and once you believe that and accept that, your nerves will subside and you’ll have more fun and perform better. Plus, you learn a lot from losses and maybe that lesson becomes more valuable than one W. Anyway, there’s got to be more to life than winning or losing, achieving or failing. Every champion’s reign ultimately ends and a millionaire’s last dollar will eventually spend, and then what? The past is irrelevant and no future is guaranteed. It’s like the old saying, “Life’s about the journey, not the destination.” I believe that and try to live by it, and actually I do a pretty good job at it. I just need to fine-tune it and refrain from participating in the moments that land me in jail! LOL! I’m feelin’ good today, I think I”m gonna be okay. i’m going to, 100%, stop worrying about the uncontrollable and just enjoy the moments to come.
W-O-W! I just watched 4 cops hold a guy down, face first, with his hands behind his back, while one of them repeatedly punched him! I think I watched 4 or 5 punches before I yelled for him to stop and called him a coward. Even then, he stopped punching, and switched to cranking the guy’s arm up so high behind his back that his hand reached his neck! He cranked the shit out of his wrist the whole time too, I bet his wrist is broken and his shoulder is dislocated; has to be, dude was just screaming. Then, just like last week, madd cops swarmed in to yell at us in our cells, “Get away from your doors! Stop watching! Sit on your bunks!” Fucking crazy! I didn’t go to my bunk because I was too busy calling the cops cowards, plus I wanted to make sure they didn’t start punching him again. Shit, they only stopped when they did because I spoke up. I told the Sergeant that I wanted to file a complaint with Internal Affairs, let’s see what happens. I’ve never been one to “tell,” but fuck, someone needs to hold these assholes accountable, it’s bullshit. It sucks because even though he’s the enemy, I feel guilty getting him in trouble. I mean, I don’t know what the inmate did to deserve it, I’m sure something stupid. But then again, when I was 20, the cops cuffed and beat me and I definitely didn’t deserve it.
Fuckkkk! I just got moved to a different “hole.” LMAO! Same shit as before except that this building is older, dirtier, and colder. On the way here, I asked the cops why I was being punished. They said because I was disrespectful and refused to obey direct orders. I told them that that’s b.s. and that they’re corrupt and that I’m only being punished because I told the Sergeant that I wanted to file a complaint. I told them it’s bogus that 4 cops can pin a guy down while his buddy punches him, but a normal guy gets in a 1-on-1 fight and goes to jail. One of them replied, “I think it’s funny actually.” Then the Sgt. added, “It’s one of the perks of the job, just like when you get in the ring, you get to punch people and not get in trouble either, same shit.” LMAO! W-O-W! Comparing a 1-on-1 fight, between professionals, supervised by a referee and an athletic commission, to 4 guys holding down 1 and beating on him, is just crazy to me. All I can do is laugh. Anyway, I received maximum punishment. 30 days with no snacks & visits in the hole. My neighbor is here 20 days for spitting at a cop… LOL!??? Worst part about getting a new cell is getting it clean. The last guy in here was disgusting. I used my extra towel to sweep the floor; I’ll have to wait until I get dayroom to sanitize the floors & toilet. They think this cell is punishment but it’s actually a lot better. For one, the night lights are much dimmer. Secondly, I have a million dollar view of the Vegas strip! Sick! My last room’s windows were frosted so I couldn’t see out. Lastly, my last room was on the 1st floor, right in front of the cops desk. Basically, I had to sneak in super quick jerk sessions and that is all bad!
A tip for some of you guys out there: fucking is like fighting, you fight how you practice. If you constantly spank your monkey and bust in 3 minutes, you’re gonna do the same when you bone too! You gotta ride that shit out, build up your tolerance. LOL! An old, crusty Navy SEAL taught me that when I was 13, and a year later, I lost my virginity; lasted forever. After serving that last year in jail with no ass, I was still able to pick up right where I left off. But, I guarantee if I had to continue this year, with those quick secret spank sessions, I’d be a 2-pump chump upon my release! LOL! Would have taken months to repair the damage. Gotta look at the bright side of a shitty situation, right?!
I will get back up.
Man, no snacks sure does turn a week into a month in here. I can’t wait until I’m off restriction! What they serve us here just isn’t adequate, I’ve lost about 12 lbs., since my arrival 2 months ago. I’m calculating that we get about 20g of protein/day here and about 1500 calories, most of which is shit carbs and sugar. I’ve adjusted my sleeping schedule in order to avoid the hunger pangs though, feel better the last couple of days as a result. Anyway, these fuckers moved me yet again! When I asked why their answer was “to make space.” Make space for what? LOL! I’m in the hole, in a one-man-cell. Only other guys in the hole & assigned to one-man-cells can be in these rooms. They’re just fucking with me. I think they read my last blog and realized I liked it better in the older building, with the view of the Vegas strip, and decided to move me. When I got to my new cell they took my orange drinking cup and all but 2 of my books as well. Said we can only have 1 cup and 2 books in our cell at a time, ALL OF A SUDDEN. Interesting because they ISSUE each inmate a white cup when they get here and they SELL the orange cup (same size & shape) on our commissary list. Umm, if we all have a cup, and are only allowed 1, then why would they sell them at commissary? And in regards to oboks, not only have I been here for 2 months with multiple books in my cell and passed inspection every time, but I have received as many as 4 at one time in the mail, handed to me directly from the guard’s hands! LMAO! WTF?!
So anyhow, I had to clean another gross cell and I missed laundry in the new module by 1 day, so I’m forced to wear the same clothes, not 1 week, but 2! So gross, fuckkk… haha. What can you do? I started to work out a bit, nothing crazy but just some shit to keep my strength up. I’m doing hand-stand push-ups on the wall (surprisingly difficult) and “airborn lunges.” The latter is basically a one-legged lunge, also tough. I’m also working my flexibility/balance so that I can ultimately do “pistols.” I couldn’t do them last time I was in jail, flexibility in my achilles tendons and back sucked! But while I was free I was doing front and overhead squats and they seem to have stretched me out. I’ll be able to do a pistol in the next couple of weeks. =) If some of you say “big deal,” ’cause you can do a zillion, I say “fuck you!” LOL. I’m an inflexible bastard, so it’s a big deal to me, it was never an issue of strength, always balance/flexibility.
Alright, so the last couple of books I read were pretty good. One was an autobiography about a Holocaust survivor, the title was “Alicia.” Fucking sad book, but filled with crazy/interesting stories, definitely worth a read. The other book was about the Civil War. If not for the issue of slavery, which was NOT the main reason for the war (contrary to what our gov. would like us to believe), I think it would have been way better in the long run, had the Confederacy won. Our federal gov. has gotten way too strong, which is exactly what the Founding Fathers wanted to prevent when they established this country. Anyway, another thing to trip on is how the North and the South, BOTH used the Bible to back up their stance on slavery. Fucking crazy how 2 people can read one book and come up with completely different interpretations. I’m no expert, but I’ve read the Bible, cover to cover, and found that it does condone slavery. Yes, in the New Testament too. Just one more reason why I think the religion of Christianity is garbage. In black and white, the New Test. condones slavery and oppresses women. Fuck an “interpretation,” if it’s “the work of God,” then it says exactly what “God” intended it to say. If you read it, and come up with anything other than what I just said, you’re lying to yourself.
Oh, and another thing interesting was how much both the North and South hated/discriminated against Catholics! The Bible is twisted and USED in too many perverse ways. Even in the Holocaust book, “Alicia,” she talks about constantly being called “Christ Killer,” and spit on by all the Eastern European Christians, not just the Nazis, or the Germans, but the Poles, Ukrainians, Russians, Hungarians, and so on. And no, these aren’t example of Christians sinning, they are examples of Christians USING their religion as a weapon against innocent people. The main reason I’m bringing this up is because my grandmother wrote a letter to the jail Chaplain and he came to talk to me. Let me say, it was a very awkward experience. The guards took me from my cell and put me in a lil’ metal cage and said the Chaplain was gonna talk to me. My heart is pumping through my chest, imagining some type of horrible news about my family or friends. “Fuck, did my grandma die? Did Ryan get killed in Africa? Did my ex wife’s plane crash on her way back to Europe?” On and on I thought these things until he showed up and said that my grandma is worried that I’ve given up on life and that I need Jesus. LOL! I just read these 2 books and my views of the religion had just been further tainted and now I’m talking to this guy for 1/2 hour about “why I need Jesus.” FML! I don’t want to be rude, nor do I want to hear his excuses for Christianity, so I just listened and listened. He was a really nice guy, and hell, I have tons of great friends who believe all that crap. Anyway, I was glad when it was over. He gave me a Bible but I wasn’t about to make it one of the 2 books I’m allowed in my cell at any given time.
So anyway, there are a couple of cool cops that work my new module. I hate to say that because I know they’d still arrest me for breaking some “law,” that even they don’t believe in. Just doing their job right? So were the Gestapo. In a way though, cops are just as much victims of the system as us. They are a hated community of people, while most of them are just trying to feed their families. No one wants to arrest a father who killed the man that molested his kid, but for a buck any cop will. “It’s the law.” I say that cops are the biggest sheep of them all, brain-washed hypocrites. BTW, I never filed a report on that one coward of a cop that beat on that inmate. It doesn’t feel right to tell on someone, no matter how much I hate, I just couldn’t stoop to that level. I just wanna mind my own business and get back home and in the gym where I belong! Fuck the bullshit! Thanks for the continued support guys, I appreciate it!
I will get back up.