It’s a shame Renzo Gracie is no longer competing in the UFC as his internet posts last night would surely have swept the board the next time the quarterly Twitter bonus awards come around.

If Gracie is to be believed, in the wee hours of last night he was attacked by two muggers while out walking in New York City. Not only did he make them pay for messing with one of MMA’s royalty, but he also posted about it on Twitter while it was going down.

“22nd street and 10th ave right now two guys following me, can’t help but have a big smile upon my face Im talking about a happy one ;-))))

Waiting for them… Are they really thinking I’m drunk??? They have to be kidding. Hahahaha

25th and 10ave ;-) they are getting closer lol ;-)

I just stop to take a pic, they pretend they are looking at the window, can’t lie… My blood runs in a different speed, man I miss Brazil

JiuJitsu ;-))) never leave home without it ;-)

Please hold there for just a couple minutes ;-) be right back

They are coming closer, asking for a cigaret ;-) lol can’t help but have a smile in my face. I don’t smoke. Pretend to wobble. They smile

My hands hurt… Can’t help but look at him the other one took off running, not much of a friend. Chicken :-/ I can still see him, he looks Back as he runs, no chance to catch him… Even though I began to try to run after him, I realize How slow I was. Fuck it :-///

This one asks me why did I do that, pretending to be stupid, one little kick to the ribs makes him whine and apologize, as I’m writing this.

I ask him if he was planing to rob me, he says no. All he wanted was a cigarette, lol I can’t help but have a big smile upon my face, and .. The certainty that if it was an ordinary man he would be sad about his stolen goods. F*cking c*nt cries like a bitch when the tide turns..

I can’t help but take a pic as his nose bleeds and he wines and asks why did I do that… Like he doesn’t know the reason…

My fucking hands hurt, hurt like hell…

Drove around two blocks… The other fellow disappear, I’m heading home… Angry for not finding the second one. Guess no sleeping tonight.

I knew it ;-) yessss

There is basic things like you don’t come back to where the problem was.. You just don’t, I knew he would, just going around the block would Be enough… Dumb f%#^ I just gave him the old style Raccoon, it has been a while since the last time I did.. Choke him out 3 times…

And before he woke up I did hit each eye socket at least twice, tomorrow he will wake up like a raccoon, and every time he woke up I was… Whispering at his ears.. That’s what death feels like it.. Don’t do that again. My fucking hand hurts, :-/ a lot

Next time I will use only the elbows, damn I miss that feeling, sometimes I wonder if the easy life has been making me Soft.. All those years in Brazil, without knowing if I would make it home had to count for something, I can’t lie I could have jump in a cab But I could not help, I could spot them from a mile away, walking was my option, thank you mayor Giuliani, nobody carries a gun in our… Beautiful state, my lucky day, their bad day… My hand hurts and @FrankieEdgar is here at 9:30am for some training, shoot damn little guy

Could not take a second pic guys sorry, believe I try, as I reach for my iPhone he almost took off :-/ fast mofo”

Bizarre stuff.  This story screams out as being totally fake, but when you’ve got a colorful character like Renzo, who really knows.

I like to pretend it is true and that the citizens of NYC are sleeping a little safer in their beds knowing that Gracie is prowling the streets strangling all the evil-doers, and people that can’t afford their own pack of cigarettes.